Personally, I’ve always felt Casey Jones, who allegedly drove that train while high on cocaine, was railroaded. Was there trouble ahead? Sure. Trouble behind? You bet. And yes, Mr. Jones was warned about his speed. But for fuck’s sake, the National Transportation Safety Board didn’t even conduct a formal investigation into Mr. Jones! Thankfully, I…
Last Sunday, I read a column in the NY Times with the provocative title We Aren’t Just Watching the Decline of the Oscars. We’re Watching the End of the Movies. As a film buff and low-key contrarian, I knew what I had to do. We skipped the Oscars and went to our local multiplex to…
Hi! I’ve got another funny story for you, but before we begin I need to tell you about my pal Geoffrey Golden’s amazing newsletter, Adventure Snack. Geoffrey is a hilarious interactive game designer, and his Adventure Snack newsletter is a shorter version of the classic “Choose Your Own Adventure” stories. I’m a big fan of…
Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash In his unpublished memoir, Dicking Around, the author and hardcore drug addict Philip K. Dick credited his literary output, in part, to benzodiazepine, more commonly known by its street name, benzos. “The best fiction comes from a chemical reaction inside the synapses of a haywire mind,” Dick wrote. “If…
Photo by Nguyen Dang Hoang Nhu on Unsplash Everyday I’m hustlin’, just like Rick Ross. But one recent overcast Monday morning I was hustlin’ so hard I arrived at the Post Office ten minutes before it opened. My immediate instinct was to kill time. But how? Those ten minutes weren’t going to kill themselves, not…
The caller ID on my phone told me someone named Scam Likely was calling. Scam Likely calls twice a day, sometimes more. But we haven’t spoken in years due to a falling out over a scheming Nigerian Prince. I should ignore Scam Likely, but I miss that fraudulent fucker. “Hello,” I said. “Hello, my name…
I have Covid. I’ll be OK, but as you can imagine Covid puts a damper on writing Situation Normal. For one thing, I’m quarantining, which limits my interactions with the oddballs, scammers, kind strangers, and dip-shits I rely on for inspiration. Another thing, I feel like crap, and it’s difficult to write when you feel…
THE VIRUS IS GONE & I WENT VIRAL After 14 days with a mild(ish) case of Covid, I’m feeling better and testing negative! A big THANK YOU to everyone who reached out with get-well-soon messages and home remedies. In unrelated, but remarkably coincidental viral news, the literary hero of my dreams retweeted me, and now…
A Western Bagel store on a Sunday morning is a tenderfoot rodeo. The lines are long and unruly. The tenderfoots come for the bagels, and they make tenderfoot mistakes like ordering chocolate chip bagels and tubs of strawberry cream cheese. But that’s their problem. My problem is tenderfoots can delay my bagel consumption by up…
It was late in the afternoon, too late to write another word, but too early to start making dinner. So, I put on a podcast where two comedians discuss and debunk Bigfoot sightings, while I did some chores. After the bathrooms had been cleaned, and the living room tidied, I brought in the mail. Today’s…