The best Prime Day deals to numb the pain and distract yourself from existential dread

Ah, existential dread. We’re all feeling it, especially lately. The planet is heating up, The Brands™ are making bad posts with abandon, and James Corden is still producing episodes of Carpool Karaoke. Bleak stuff!

Sometimes the feeling of impending doom gets to be a little too much, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to step away and take a break. Distract yourself, if you will.

A great way to do that? Some good old-fashioned retail therapy, baby — and we’re here to help you do just that in the weirdest, most unhinged way so you can get some respite from the “we are collectively screwed” headspace.

It just so happens that Prime Day is in full swing, so finding something to numb the pain is super easy and cheap right now. (Unless Amazon is partly responsible for your stress and anxiety. In that case, maybe say goodbye to Mr. Jeff Bezos.)

Below, our favorite Prime Day deals to help you divert your attention away from our crumbling society, if just for a moment.

1. The Shrek 20th Anniversary Edition in 4K Ultra HD — $10.99

No way to be sad when you’re watching literally the greatest film ever made.

2. A Highland cow Squishmallow — $35.99

So soft. So cute. Killer hairdo. Endless happiness.

3. A Minion-inspired silicone oven glove — $6.39

Great for cooking, Halloween costumes, and people with three very large fingers.

4. A life-size Halloween skeleton with movable joints — $55.99

Speaking of Halloween, this could be a child for your big boy from Home Depot. It might not help with the existential dread thing, but it’s fun!

5. A five-pound bag of sour gummy worms — $16.18

Just don’t eat them all at once or your tongue is going to start peeling.

6. Chicken bag — $19.99

Chicken bag!

7. A Bob Ross waffle maker — $44.99

Honor the legend by making a happy little waffle.

8. A little window for your dog — $23.89

How can you not be happy looking at these product photos? Look at their little noses booping the glass. Boop. Boop.

9. An Ikea bucket hat — $12.30

Seems like it would make your head pretty hot, but there’s no assembly required, so that’s nice.

10. Candles that smell like cereal — $18.39

These smell like “Fruit Loops,” which are not to be mistaken with “Froot Loops.”

11. A baguette that you can snuggle — $20.79

It’s impossible to feel lonely when you have a giant baguette to cuddle with. You’ll be drifting off to sleep faster than you can say “oui.”

12. A 2022 Best Picture frontrunner — $23.32

What time is it? Morbin’ time.

13. Some fun fidget toys — $5

When the dread starts feeling really dreadful, just start popping. Trust us, you’ll feel better.

14. A squirrel hand — $5.99

The best way to not deal with human problems is to simply no longer be human. Become a squirrel instead! Problem solved.

15. A protective umbrella hat — $10.39

We expect to see these on the runway during the next New York Fashion Week, so hop on the trend early.

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